“It’s about taking stock, facing who you really are, and getting going again.”
Excerpt From: Karen Amster-Young, Pam Godwin & Barbara Hannah Grufferman. “The 52 Weeks.”
Im stuck. Or maybe frozen. I’m not sure.
Its been a week or two since I have written a post because I wasn’t so sure of what to say anymore.
Yes, I have been working out, but I have been eating like shit and gaining weight at an epic rate. We have been traveling, but that too I haven’t had the energy to post about.
I recently left my position at the school district I had been teaching at since I graduated college in 2004. I needed a change. I needed a new challenge. I felt stifled creatively. It was time to leave.
I have always been a fairly successful person when it came to employment, but I have always been very careful to take minimal risk. I have so many amazing ideas I’ve been dying to explore for the longest time and now is my chance!
But since I left I have been stuck, unable to get these ideas off of the ground. I have literally shut down completely and every little life task seems completely overwhelming.
I think I’m scared. I think I am frozen in fear of the unknown, and instead of jumping in the water, I am too scared to even dip my toe.
But here’s the thing. I am a perfectionist who tends to put WAY too much pressure on herself and I don’t give myself enough credit for what I already do. I have to remind myself (or have my friends gently do so) that my boys are still very young and need me more than I realize. I have a son who has some unresolved health issues we are knee deep in trying to figure out. My husband works up to 60 hours a week, and I am my boys’ rock, (all 3 of them)!
These aren’t excuses. This is life. My life.
So I am going to do my very best to wake up each morning and be the best mother, wife, daughter, and friend as possible, while beginning to slowly realize my dreams. But if it doesn’t happen this week, this month, or even this year, that’s ok, I’m ok. And I will repeat this to myself over and over until I start believing it.
I hope you will continue on this journey of self exploration with me and seeing where this little blog and my big ideas take me. Have you ever been stuck? What did you do to become unstuck?
Until next time,
Betsy
June Gloom Comfort
Oh Betsy I know EXACTLY how you feel! I too am a perfectionist and often times used to let fear hold me back. Nowadays, I am much better (though still have my moments) and what works for me, is I think about the advice I would give any of my 3 children. Would my words to them be as harsh as the words I tell myself? Definitely not! Give yourself the same grace you give your children and friends. I also think in today’s world – especially the digital/social media world, there is an image of women that we should be everything to everyone. We should be working to make our own money, be mothers, wives and look super fit and well-dressed while doing it. That is such a crock of sh#t. Being a Mom – a good Mom is work AND it is enough. We too are struggling with health issues of our little girl and I’ve had numerous ideas and things I have wanted to do (or think I should be doing) but right now, being here for my kids is where I’m supposed to be and I have to remind myself of that quite often. I used to be a full time working mom too, and I think transitioning from that to a stay at home mom is challenging for people like us. Sorry, didn’t mean to go on and on, but I feel women should support each other and not buy into or help perpetuate this super woman persona. Xoxo! Tiffany
Thank you so much for the heartfelt and sweet comment! You are right though, being a mommy is priority #1 and I am going to try very hard to not be so hard on myself! xoxo